


archaeological excavation

by tessiellate



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Dysfunctional Relationships, Gen, Other, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-12 22:21:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9093034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tessiellate/pseuds/tessiellate
Summary: We always sleep facing away from each other. I think that even when we sleep we want to be as far away from each other as possible. Even our subconscious wants us to be as far away from each other as possible. Even asleep we still hate each other so much. I think that’s beautiful.





	

_poetry_  

You write love poems and tell me you want to give them to the person who makes you feel this way. You keep them in a drawer and I watch the pile grow and grow. I want to set fire to them and leave the ashes in the drawer. I want to see the disappointment in your eyes when you see your poetry gone. I hope you never find someone who you want to give those poems to. I hope you give them to me.

* * *

 

 

_hate_

We always sleep facing away from each other. I’ve read in magazines that facing away from your partner while you sleep means you have a stronger connection. I think that even when we sleep we want to be as far away from each other as possible. Even our subconscious wants us to be as far away from each other as possible. Even asleep we still hate each other so much.

I think that’s beautiful.

* * *

 

 

_mirrors_  

There is nothing here for us. We’re just a room full of mirrors with no one to look into them. You want me to let you go. You say there’s no point in us being together. We have nothing keeping us together. We hate each other. We fight all the time. Just let me go. Just let us go. Just move on. I can’t. I can’t. We can’t. I can’t. Look into the mirrors. I can’t let you go. Just make the most of it. Look into the mirror.

 

* * *

 

 

_t_ _ime_

It has been too long. You are my twin, my arm, my leg, my heart, my other half. Everything we have, we’ve built it together.

_“There’s no us anymore.”_

I know.

_“We hate each other.”_

I know. I hate you so much more than you hate me.

_“What’s keeping us together?”_

Nothing.

_“Let me go.”_

I can’t.

_“Let us go.”_

Without the us there is no me. I’ve built my identity around you, my life around you.

_“It’s bad.”_

_“It’s unhealthy.”_

I know, I hate it. I want to be my own person. I want to find my own arm, my own leg, my own heart. I want to be one whole person, my own twin. I don’t know how to.

_“Let us go.”_

I have to find out how to be my own person first.

* * *

 

 

_jealousy_

Even when we first got together, when things were great, you didn’t give me your poems. I was jealous of a piece of paper. I was jealous of everything that made you happy that wasn’t me. I hate that. I hate being like that. What do you do to me? Why do you do this? You make me a worse person than I already am. I don’t like who I am when I’m with you. But I don’t know who to be without you.

* * *

 

 

_foundation_  

You are the foundation to my castle. To my tower. To my house. I built kingdoms around you and I didn’t bother building anything around me. I want my own kingdom.

* * *

 

 

_delete_

I delete photos of us from my phone. When I’m done, I have no photos left. I take a photo of myself. Just me. No you. It is a bit blurry, when my hand moved. But it’s me. Just me. I stare at it. It looks strange. Me without you. Who are you, I wonder when I look at the photo. Who are you.

* * *

 

 

_questions_

All my hobbies are your hobbies. All my interests are your interests. My clothes match yours. Everything you are, I am. What do I like? I look at the photo of me again. Who are you?

* * *

 

_discoveries_

I buy a blue top. Pastel colours look good on me. I think. I wear it and look at my reflection. I haven’t seen myself in anything other than neutrals that complement your wardrobe. I buy the clothes. You don’t notice the change. I look at myself in the mirror. I still don’t know who looks back.

* * *

 

 

_restoration_

I didn’t realize how much of my personality and interests are my own. My music is the same as yours. I do things that I know will make you happy. I spend a whole day on Netflix trying to figure out what movies I like. Fantasy, I think? You think fantasy is escapism and stupid. I like that it makes me forget about the world I’m living in.

* * *

 

 

_restoration continued_

I read more. I watch more. I listen more. Things that I got into just to be someone you’d like turn out to be things I’m actually interested in. I have interests of my own now. Who are you, I ask when I look in the mirror. You look familiar.

* * *

 

 

_fracture_

_“There’s no us anymore.”_

I know.

_“We hate each other.”_

I know. I hate you so much more than you hate me.

“What’s keeping us together?”

Nothing.

_“Let me go.”_

I can’t.

_“Let us go.”_

Without the us there is no me. I’ve built my identity around you, my life around you.

_“It’s bad.”_

_“It’s unhealthy.”_

I know, I hate it. I want to be my own person. I want to find my own arm, my own leg, my own heart. I want to be one whole person, my own twin. I don’t know how to.

_“Let us go.”_

I still don’t know who I am. I can’t let you go before I figure out what I want. You’re my compass. I can’t veer off course yet.

_“I’m sick of this. I’m sick of us.”_

You think I’m not?

_“Let us go. Let me go. Let our relationship end”_

I can’t I can’t I can’t. You’re my compass. I can’t leave just yet. Just a little longer.

* * *

 

 

_devout_

You’re annoying.

The thought is a shock. I’ve never thought of you as anything less than perfect.

You get irritated easily. You chew your pencils and its disgusting.

The day goes on and I see things about you I didn’t see before. You have flaws I never saw before. I put you on a pedestal and now its crumbling. Who are you?

* * *

 

 

_atheist_

I centred my life around a person. A person with flaws and imperfections. You’re not great. You’re not deserving of the blind adoration I give you. You don’t need someone who make you their whole world. You’re a normal person who needs another normal person. Not a devotee. I think I’m losing faith in you.

* * *

 

 

_puzzle_  

Little pieces of me are coming together.

Who are you?

* * *

 

_end credits_

I’m going to give you this. These pages, filled with my handwriting. It isn’t not a diary, not really. I don’t think it fully explains what I did to myself to make you like me, I don’t think it really explains why I clung onto our relationship so long. Honestly I don’t think I know. But I hope you understand. I hope you find someone to give your poetry to. Let the mirrors shatter and the towers crumble. You’re not my compass. You’re not my twin. You’re not perfect. You have bad qualities and good qualities and I hope you find someone who sees both. I look at myself in the mirror and I know who I am now.

Let the end credits roll.


End file.
